Ep. 10 - Full on Fall Fun & Fear Facing
& bc you haven't seen enough fall pasta recipes... I've got another for you
“We, unaccustomed to courage
exiles from delight
live coiled in shells of loneliness
until love leaves its high holy temple
and comes into our sight
to liberate us into life.
Love arrives
and in its train come ecstasies
old memories of pleasure
ancient histories of pain.
Yet if we are bold,
love strikes away the chains of fear
from our souls.
We are weaned from our timidity
In the flush of love's light
we dare be brave
And suddenly we see
that love costs all we are
and will ever be.
Yet it is only love
which sets us free.”
― Maya Angelou
I’m still finding Halloween decoration thoughts invading my mind. Then I think, what are we actually afraid of? I’m driving and sure, I’m kinda scared of your creepy skeleton on your lawn pretending to be high-fiving that weird looking Frankenstein thing, but - I’m actually more afraid of doing my taxes wrong. And I’m actually more afraid of like, I don’t know, trans fats. Or, let’s get big and real, look in the face of the fear of loved ones getting sick, or dying. Actual death, not creepy zombie hands coming out of the ground scary. They say that the opposite of fear is love. And, that can be really hard to do when you live in/with fear.
So I wanted to do a bunch of tombstones on my lawn of things that have died there, as in things I’m actually afraid of. All very meta, I know. “Here lies Justine of 2023 who was afraid of the unknown” or how about, “Here lies my fear of failure… R.I.P Bitch”. However, re-last newsletter sad story, after my serious spooky spider project fail, I’m rather reserved with my time resources for halloween crafts. But tossing this one out there for some other brave soul.
Butternut Squash Ravioli
Did you know that working with your hands is connected to your heart chakra? Yea. Healing. So, there ya go. One of those hand activities for me is pasta. Specifically, shaping pasta. I find that I’m really good when I work with my hands. It’s one of the reasons being in the kitchen works so beautifully in my life.
It was one of those, just had it in my brain and couldn’t get it out. I made a batch of ricotta from my go-to recipe. Two flavors: Butternut squash & spinach + ricotta. I had a butternut, simply roasted in the oven, olive oil + salt + pepper. Violà. Kept the filling simple, scooped it out, just used some nutmeg and cinnamon, tiny dash of red pepper, and a little bit of some delicious homemade ricotta and few fresh chopped chives.
For the spinach and ricotta; sauté spinach with bit of garlic (not too much, one clove), let it cool. Add ricotta + parm (or pecorino or some hard salty cheese), salt, pepper, oregano and basil are nice, but the secret trick is to add a dash of fresh grated nutmeg.
Freeze them in a single layer and then keep ‘em stored for the most delicious quick meal. To cook, take from frozen, salty like the sea boiling water till they float.
Easy Pasta Dough Math:
1 egg per person/serving + appox. 100g flour. I don’t use salt (salt your water), I don’t use olive oil (doesn’t need it) and I almost exclusively use AP flour. I always have it on hand and I actually prefer a bit more bite as opposed to a 00 flour that will result in a more delicate noodle.
Make well in your flour, crack your eggs and mix it on up (working with a stand mixer and dough hook is the same). You want to let your dough rest at least 30 minutes before you work with it. Yes, you can make it a day or two ahead and leave it in the fridge wrapped in plastic tightly, but let it come to room temp before working with it.
Sure, like anything it takes some practice, but your heart+hands+taste buds will thank you later. Wanna chat about pasta? I’m on call :)
As I’m healing my heart making some pasta shapes, I’ve been grappling with this whole fear thing. Doing the thing where, you look at the parts of you that you’re afraid of, or judge or don’t like and try to sit with them? I have this mental picture of every time there’s a part of me that’s angry or upset or literally whatever unwanted emotion, I invite them to sit at the table with me and have a cup of tea. Like, hey, come on over let’s talk about this, you wounded apparition of my mind. literally.
But at this point, I feel like I’m about to diagnose myself as schizophrenic I’m trying so hard to get to know all these parts. Also, I don’t even really sit down with my actual friends for tea, so what the fuck am I hanging out with all these other characters for? Only time (and my mental health) will tell.
So let’s talk about important things like Pinterest boards and you know, table decor + vibes.
I’m not a huge fan of literal decorations. I enjoy more of a visual puzzle. Items and concepts that go together unexpectedly well. That’s a skill. I believe the word I’m looking for is, intentional. So here’s some scenes I’m vibing with for fun 4 your eyeballs.
Life tip you need
The trick to actually getting some space from your phone and calming your nervous system
Turn your phone into greyscale and it removes the color stimulation that gets your adrenalin or cortisol or dopamine or whichever hormones going (or all of them).
Steps:
It works. When I look at my phone all the colors aren’t pulling me in, I’m not influenced in any way. I’m in control of how I’m interacting with my phone, which is so great. Try it. Let me know.
I Love. {capital ‘L’} this link: Under the Ocean Pier
Purest of joy about this whole link. Literally all of it. It’s like a secret portal into another world. The ocean water world. I have some general unease about ocean creatures and ocean situations sometimes. Well, most times. It’s so big and deep and it has laws of it’s own. But to conquer that, I decided to get into the ocean a few times a week. even if I was nervous or scared of sand crabs, or there was too much seaweed or the tide was out really, really far.
So this link let’s me become more familiar with a world that I think I’m only ‘afraid’ of because I don’t know. Isn’t that so much of it? We don’t know what we’re afraid of till we look at it and understand it? I keep the tab open and just check in every now and then what’s happening in the ocean. It’s amazing. There’s lobsters, and fish and floating particles… I find it glorious.
Reading:
NYT Book Review actually. We get it on Sunday and I take it with me and read throughout the week. I had a point where I was really trying to read all the best sellers, and felt good about it… not just just read about the best sellers. Great dinner conversation starter FYI. But for the moment I’m back to just reading about them. The reviews I find to be so well written and thoughtful, it’s a wonder I don’t find more time to simply sit and read. But if you’re in a book rut, it’s a great place to start.
Listening to:
Um, Pure Moods anyone?? Yeah, you’re welcome 1994 time traveler. Mind melt moment, that was 30 years ago. I’m so here for it because, fuck I love that very visceral core memory of this soundtrack in my mind. Never forget the black boombox in/near the kitchen and the joy of a CD case.
And, I say I’m not nostalgic... Till next time,
xo Justine
