Ep. 16 When life doesn’t go as planned, it might just be leading you to exactly where you need to be.
Nothing is more difficult, and therefore more precious, than to be able to decide. -- Napoleon Bonaparte
I’m not even quite sure where to start. If there was ever a lesson on life going in a way that you definitely didn’t see coming and being given a chance to really question and test all your theories and ways of operating in the world — whichever part of myself was yearning for that, well heck. We got it. And quite frankly, am still in it.
If I could sum up the last months I would say I’ve learned about:
being at peace, while not being at peace
the art of not being at peace; while being at peace (like peace, even though you feel like you’re on fire? + holding space for all the non-peace feelings?)
that Peace is a complete polarity equaled.
Observed while being.
But don’t hold on too tight?
Because, if you hold on too tight *poof* it disappears. I haven’t really told anyone but my family, but 3+ weeks ago I tore a couple ligaments in my knee. Basically, the 2 month ski trip in the mountains of one of my favorite places was cut short from all that I thought it was going to be. But not? Because I’m still here. I’m still here in the beauty of this country. I’m still here breathing. My brain is intact, my spinal cord is operating the way it should. My digestion is able to process all the nutrients (and beer and poutine and Tim Hortons) I put into it.
The first weekend involved a lot of tears. Tears of all the moments I was going to miss. That I’d been dreaming about and envisioning. This true come to nature, be in nature, ski every day and be one with the snow would only exist in my mind. Tears of how much it sucks that I couldn’t bend, straighten or walk on my knee. Tears of fear of the unknown. Tears of the realization that being active is truly one of the most valuable parts of my life and how much I do do.
Am I supposed believe I ‘chose’ this?
Am I supposed to assume I’ve chosen this, and be okay with my choice? Am I really that in charge of all that manifests in my life when everything feels so small insignificant, strange and random? Am I really supposed to believe ‘the universe is working in my favor’, that ‘all is well’?
My solace is in the fact that in the three weeks that we had been here prior to my injury I was skiing my heart out. I truly did not take one moment for granted. Not one. Every time I’d be skiing and the mountains took my breath away, I stopped. I stared. I took it all in. Not once did I ever take for granted that I was on top of a mountain. That my body allowed me this gift to ride down a mountain in the most beautiful and fun way.
The worst/best part? All is well. Like, I’m really okay. More than okay. I have more than I could ever ask for. Or, is that the best part? How do I know what to choose? Happiness? Gratitude? Immense sadness and disappointment? Do I get both? two for the price of one? Mix and match $5 deal?
All I know, is the moments that feel like the dream I dare to dream, and the moments that I never think the dream can come true have equal amount potency and equal amount realization of the other. Can you be in one with out the other? Does it… the peace is the being. The being is the peace. So, I’m sticking with my one way ticket to the unknown. Holding on but not too tight and curious where this train takes me.
Reading:
I’ve been hanging out on Substack these days and really enjoying it. Here’s a few:
Recently, this post entitled, “The Worst Painting in the World” gave me a laugh amidst the chaos in the best way:
I can’t stop laughing at this description….
The only realistic element of the painting (and Böcklin is aiming for a realism of sorts, just not in his subject matter), is the lasciviousness of two men captivated by the mermaids’ sopping breasts. One of these men has a sort of Cabbage Patch quality, while the other resembles the parking lot guy from Mulholland Drive.
I’m obsessed with this recipe list from Nicola Lamb and I cannot wait to dive into it and find excuses to make everything. It was this basque cheesecake that made me swoon and I’ve been searching the list for but haven’t found yet. It’s like a recipe scavenger hunt I’m totally okay with.
I’ve been following along on the GrubStack lineup, catching live streams when I can from all my favorites and really enjoying discovering newness. I’m hoping it will be easy to find some of the live streams I miss because the conversations between some of the amazingly talented folks that live on Substack is just delightful.
Substack Weekend Edition - here’s what I’ll be continuing to dive into tomorrow morning competing with the NYT Sunday paper & a cup of coffee. Within, I love this:
Cooking:
Soup calls for; first official sourdough loaf, because we ate all the naan
If you read the last Ep. 15, there’s some great links for homemade sourdough naan (and non-sourdough) and a go-to red lentil soup.
This has been my easy go to sourdough bread recipe for years. A sweet and very skilled bread-baker friend got me started on this one and I’ve since graduated to more intricate and skilled loaves, but given the lack of a dutch oven, etc. I decided keep it simple for my first loaf. *highly recommend for new sourdough bakers*
Starter, flour, water, salt. One bowl. One sheet pan. That’s what we’re working with. I had a craving for like a really delicious seedy loaf & had sunflower, chia + pumpkin seeds for some homemade granola (essentials obviously) & did a quick magic bullet pulse-pulse and we were in business. I used this recipe and really enjoyed getting the hang of it after a few loaves. It’s super versitle and easy to handle, highly recommend for newbies or those with lack of lots of tools in their kitchens.
For bake: I did the dish of boiling water at the bottom of the oven trick to try and create some steam for the crust. When baking the loaf, I did cover loosely with foil for about 20-25min (no dutch oven) and then uncovered for remainder 20ish minutes. All in all? It worked! Shocker. It’s only been done for literally hundreds of years…
We’ve been soup dipping, avocado toasting & garlic breading. I’m really here for the simplicity of the bake and curious what other simple loaves I can come up with.
There’s a magic bullet I’ve been making homemade breadcrumbs out of from left over pizza crusts and bits of bread that go stale, so we’re really winning on that front.
It was quite ingenious of myself I must say when it served as the topping for pasta bake.
Sourdough Discard Scones
I’m gonna soapbox these babies again because they are so gosh darn delicious. Please make them? Text or call me about it?
I love this recipe for so, so many reasons. It’s just a hard-core-no-fail-adjust-as-I-need solid go-to. And, I definitely do adjust it based on what I have/want. It’s rather forgiving and I love it for that. The coolest part about this round? In Canada, they have 33% cream. 33%! I can’t even tell you the percent of cream in the US bc they don’t tell you. But, I’m all here for the 33%. Stay tuned for more Canada love - that letter will be hitting your inbox real soon.
These are kept in the freezer for a quick win-win bake when you need ‘em. There’s more to come on this front, as in; coffee cake, quiche & pasta bake.
Recipe
I promised myself I wouldn’t send a newsletter this year w/o a recipe .pdf so for a quick hitter, here ya go. we can talk about it next time bc this is getting long. But I’ll be making this probably this week so updates to come.
Easy go-to Asian style slaw dressing. Any combo of carrots, cabbage, snow peas, cucumbers are refreshing, red bell pepper always presents a nice sweetness, cilantro is always a win - I’m thinking of adding some jicama to mine next round. Get creative.
Listening to:
So I’m gonna start by saying I’m wayyyy behind and just started listening to Smartless & no surprise, it brings me so much joy. Literally laugh out loud to the air on walks to myself, a literal L-O-L. If you’re like me, I started with Tig Natoro’s episode + was instantly hooked.
Get outside, move. Be grateful for your knees. Ode to the knee!
See you in your inbox sooner than later.
xoxo, Justine
